Where am I?
No, really? Where the fuck am I?
So existential of me, I know.
However, since turning 35 just a few days ago, I have been having a look at myself and thinking about it all. It seems that change is something that I have a desire for, mostly out of the need to be involved in the things that I hold dearly to life and not some of the habits that have come along for the ride.
The point is that I am not sure where I am, but I do know its not a place I am comfortable with and I think that it shows.
That is not to say that I think things are depressing or that I am unhappy, quite the opposite. I feel like I could be content, but that it would take enormous sacrifice and self-preservation. In the future, the thing to consider is that all of this, the chaos of life itself is not too bad, but you do have to take time to take all of it, to realize that the little part of the universe that you have carved out for yourself might not be acceptable to other people, but that is not what is important– what is important, essential in fact, is that your piece of the universe is what YOU want.
Aye, there’s the rub. What, pray tell, is it that we want? For me, it all seems to be coming together– I want a partner that is in love, but also needs it. I have found that person and we are getting married. Check that off and realize that it is a rather large check.
Which brings me to the point: I don’t know where I am, but I am on the right road. Things have been good, really fucking good at times and its all about perspective. Right now, its dark and cold and shitty in Seattle, but the sun will come again and with it will also come warmth and we need to see the shitty moments in life in order to see the moments of life that are why we exist.